Funny how memories fade as you age. When I try to recollect the past it feels like something I once read in a book instead. I've been getting friend requests on Facebook by people in my past and I find myself struggling to remember some of them. I've been sent pictures of my convent days and I don't recall why the heck I was dress in such a way or what I was doing in the picture with all those strangers anyway. I've not forgotten everything, it's just that blocks of my memory seem to have faded away. I struggle to remember my secondary school days but days in Radin Mas are mostly wiped out. Will I remember this very moment 20 yrs down the road? I don't think i will. Scary isn't it.

Hubby going to attend F1 race. The whole entire event. He say he doesn't really want to go but he's got no choice. He say he'll try to slip out early to get home. He say I can't go coz I'm so pregnant. I say that sooo sucks. I wanna be there where the action is too! I don't know about this coming home early business. How's he gonna get his ass out of the box in the middle of it all and find his way home? Hitch a ride with Hamilton? Looks like I'm stuck with Chris this weekend. We should go East Coast No Signboard eat chilli crab without hubby. Who cares about race anyway...

Mr T is a hypochondriac. Every other day he comes home and declares he thinks he has X disease and he's afraid he's going to die. He can be quite dramatic sometimes. Every other day I have to ask for symptoms and reassure him that he does not have said disease. Let me give you an example. One day he read Lance Armstrong's book "It's Not About the Bike" and was convince he had the same disease. Believe me, tests were involved just to prove otherwise.

Although he's afraid of death by disease, Mr T does not shy away from living his life. He has seen and done more things than anyone I've ever met. He took flying lessons, had a boat licence (in the process of renewing it in SG), travelled and lived all over the world, jumped off a plane, learnt martial arts, is a dive master, waterski (and now wakeboards), learns new languages whenever possible, twirls knives for fun, learns the piano at the ripe old age of 34, rescued a dog from SPCA... the list goes on. (No, he was not born with a silver spoon. He worked his ass off.)

Some people do not see the value of their lives. They think maybe death is a solution to their misery. What is misery? Exams and pressure of achieving an education? Not being noticed by the opposite sex? Parents nagging too much? It could be worse. I had a friend who decided to go canoeing in Kallang with his buddies one day. He never told his mom where he was going. The divers recovered their bodies that evening. Sometimes I wonder what he was thinking of when he was drowning. Did he regret never saying goodbye? I know he never wanted to die. Such a shame.

There is absolutely no point in moaning and bitching about your lousy existence. A bad day does not equate to self destruction. The world does not have compassion for people with such mentality. A person with cancer fights for his life, a person with too much homework and a naggy mom wants to end her life? Think of it this way, there are so many others who have a lousier life than yours so yours is not so bad after all. Shame on you for being emo.

I love Mr T because although he is a hypochondriac he is not afraid to live his life to the fullest.

What have we done together so far? We've climbed the Sydney bridge and watched the Sydney Symphony perform at the Danish designed Sydney Opera. Your daddy was so proud of that fact.

We viva-ed Las Vegas in two of the nicest hotels; Bellagio and Venetian. You should have seen the number of eye popping fake boobs flashing around, I was so tempted to reach out and squeeze them. We had the best seats to Cirque du Soleil's "O" and it was a breathtaking performance. We drove through the desert for two days from Vegas to New Mexico. We drove through the Hoover Dam and stopped to see the Grand Canyon, the Four Corners and Mesa Verde. We saw downtown Route 66, visited Santa Fe and Old Town.

We had fun with your grandma and grandpa. They're really excited and can't wait to meet you next year. They'll have to make the 22hrs trip to Singapore though coz we can't travel for awhile. You're so spoilt daddy flew us business class round trip, but I think we deserve it for being with a mad man.

You've also been to Bali. We couldn't do any adventurous activities but we did swim out in the open sea on a cruise. All these before you're 3mths in my belly.

We're looking for a nice apartment now. Somewhere bigger and more child friendly. You'll have your own room with a view and Lucas to play with. Lucas may look big but he's a puppy at heart.

Wait till you're born. Daddy's got some madcap adventure planned for you. Hope you're not seasick like me. He's got visions of a sail boat. I told you he's a little crazy.

Jetlagging. Going Bali in 14hrs. So tired.

Doctor said it's not allergy. I have eczema caused by pregnancy, irregular sleeping and stress. T thinks it's a load of bull coz he thinks I sleep just fine and I don't look stress. He thinks I have it easy. He says if anybody should be feeling stress it's definitely him.

We need to look for a new apartment soon. Too bad the place we initially had in mind is up for en bloc. Greedy buncha singaporeans, demolishing such a beautiful piece of architecture. Sellouts! I hope their next home will be shitty and expensive.

T says in a few years from now he wants us to move to Denmark. He thinks it's a better place to raise a family.

i know I'm quite independent from my family but it's depressing to think I'll be 13hrs by plane away from Mom, Dad, Ewan and Andy. Especially Andy. How about Rebecca? How can I leave my best friend of 17 years?

I'm such an emotional rollercoaster lately. Hormones I guess. Whoever said being pregnant is the most wonderful feeling is a sadistic bugger. I think it's nauseating. Literally. I feel fat and my chest feels like a rock. I'm hungry all the time and constantly need to pee. It can only get worse. I get nightmares about an alien ripping out of my tummy. Feel sick now. Gtg.

Finally back from the States. Think I have an allergy to something while in New Mexico. My neck's all red, spotty and itchy. Been scratching non stop. T keeps telling me to stop. Says I'm scratching like our dog Lucas. But I'm so itchy! Should probably go see a doc.

Leaving for Bali with family on 15th May. I'm exhausted. I need a vacation from all these vacations.

So I got to know T's parents better. Very nice people. Their cabin up in the mountains is lovely but I can't see myself living there. I prefer the sea view. I absolutely adore their two golden retrievers, Moncho and Sunny. They are huge and hairy! Would love to bring Moncho to SG but think it's cruel considering how humid SG is. I'll need to keep the a/c running 24/7. Besides, big dogs need constant exercise. Lucas is medium size and he tires me out already.

So we will need to mastermind the talk with my parents after Bali. I'm scared as hell. I'm so afraid my mom will go ballistic and my dad starts his drama mama nonsense. I'm even more terrified my mom shoots remarks at T and he, being all defiant towards anything traditional or conventional, gets offended and says something that will just blow everything over the moon.

I wish i can just run away. T doesn't understand how sad I am.

If you insist on having it your way, so will I. I'll name jellybean Bill. How do you like that, you silly opinionated ang moh!

Had to bite my tongue not to blurt it out to Law tonight. TL is right. I need to talk to him first before I discuss it with anyone else. We need to plan our next course of action. I must wait for Tues. I just can't help thinking though, what should we do about the Land Rover?

Ahh, the complications of life. Time to take responsibility for action.

I am so confused. This new development is life altering. Called him up to inform him. He didn't sound like he knew what to do with this piece of information. I can't tell how he's taking it. He said we shouldn't talk about it anymore until we meet up in Sydney. I'm going to get it clarified and confirmed as soon as possible. Hopefully tomorrow.

I think my mom likes her new Tiffany bracelet. I'm glad it fits her. Would be awfully troublesome to have to change the length.

I invited 'A' along for mom's b'day dinner. It's to thank her for buying my family cakes and durian. 'A' can be such a strange bird. I like to manhandle Ndy and she kept commenting "ooooh... if it's my sister she would give me one tight slap" or " oooh... you are such an evil sister."

What The Fuck? (Abbreviation of vulgarities is kinda lame so pardon my French) My relationship with my brothers is very different from her relationship with her sister. I like to pull on Ndy's shirt and mess up his hair and turn his pockets inside out and you know what? He doesn't have a problem with that. I also like to hold his hand and hug him and kiss him on the cheeks so let me see her be close to her sister. She really should not compare.

Like how she is with Toni is nothing like how I am with my darling viKing.

What is it with Singaporean women anyway? They want to be in control of every aspect of their husband's life. She demands an allowance from Toni like it's an entitlement and she commented I should do the same too.

It's not good enough that he pays for everything. He should also give you money to spend on yourself.

What the hell? When has a relationship turn into a business proposition? I think my viKing has been extremely generous to me. He's honest and unbelievably faithful and he buys me gifts and pays for my holidays and takes me out for really expensive dinners and pays for household expenses... now I should also demand an allowance? Isn't that being ungrateful? It just doesn't make sense to me.

It's exhausting to meet up with 'A' sometimes. We're good friends and she's wonderful to me but we're so different in character. It's a wonder we can communicate at all.

Wah. It's totally crazy. I'm a very busy unemployed. Sydney on the 15th, Las Vegas/New Mexico on the 24th AND Bali on the 14th of May! No time to unpack! How to find Job??? Poor viking baby. He so busy with work, hardly have time in SIN and his bummer of a girl is just sitting at home watching cable and playing with Tokio Hotel.

I've decided I don't want to bring my Mac with me for my trips. Security through airport is so tight these days it's so troublesome every time to switch my Mac on and off. Can't afford to drop it like I did the last time. Viking boy will kill me.... but how to survive a day without my TH fix??? Listening on Ipod not shiok enough. Argh!!

My viking boy has left for his flight to Melbourne. Just an average day of pillage and plunder. He should enjoy Australia. The people may be rough but the country's beautiful. He'll probably say not as beautiful as Denmark but he's just bias that way. I think Singapore is beautiful too.... if you like to look at lots of people, tall buildings and cars. At least our pollution level is better controlled than Hongkong. That's a smog city. There were numerous times I had to hold my breath in when walking around Kowloon. My darling's sinus problem turns demonic every time he goes there. I digress. Anyway, see you @ the top of Sydney bridge darling!

Damn! It's me mom b'dae today! No presents! Aaargh! Ndy and Smelly wouldn't have bought her anything. Not even a b'dae card. They always depend on me, those leeches. Every year same old story. I buy to share, I pay first and they NEVER pay me back! Well not this year. I'm unemployed now (even though technically I still have more $$ than them combined. Yes, they are THAT hopeless) so they better contribute their share. Heck, I don't even know what to get her. It means 2 hours from now I have to go walk aimlessly around town. Haiz. Idiotic brothers.

Booked my ticket to Sydney last night. He decided even though it doesn't make economical sense to pay so much and be in Sydney for just four days I should go up anyway. I'm ok with Sydney. I've probably been there about 10 times before but this trip should be very different. It'll be my 1st time in the A380. Hope I don't see any familiar faces. Irritating when that happens. He'll be at work when I land so I'll have to make my way from the airport to the service apartment by myself. Cross my fingers I don't get lost.

It's so sweet. Tom gave Bill a mini blackboard so he can communicate to them during his 10 days silence after the operation. Hope he'll come back better than before. Would be such a sin if he doesn't regain his singing voice back. I'll cross my fingers for you Bill. Love you deep deep.

He's flying home Tuesday but leaving for Melbourne/Sydney on Sat. He'll be there for 2 weeks. He decided it's better for me to remain in SG coz somebody must look after Lucas. Haiz. I've never met a dog as spoilt as Lucas. As much as I adore him I think it's borderline obsessive.

My mom doesn't know we have a dog. She will freak out when she finds out. I'm not looking forward to that day. It's her birthday this Sat. He'll be gone on her birthday.

All I do all day long is Youtube Tokio Hotel and chat with my friends online and on the phone.

Drinking sake now. Finally bought sake cups. I can finish all three bottles of sake for all he cares. He has decided sake only tastes nice when we drink it in Japan. I can relate to that. Akravit tastes better when I drink it in Copenhagen. Swiss fondue tastes fantastic in Zurich. Peking duck is to die for in Beijing. Cold herring fish on pumpernickel bread tastes awful anywhere.

It's hard when he's away so often. I'm not discouraging him, I'm just saying it's hard. Hard to sit at home with just Lucas and that idiot of a maid. I'm home but yet I feel like a prisoner. Can't walk around the house naked.

Since I was unceremoniously informed of your short visit back, your name keeps slipping off my tongue. Every other person's name turns into yours. You're like a curse. Rebec thinks it's funny but I cringe every time I do it.
I find myself looking over my shoulders whenever I'm out in town. I don't know why it bothers me so. I feel fear, not of you but of what I might do to you should we ever come face to face. I've dreamt of slapping that handsome face of yours, except in my dreams it never seem hard enough. Maybe a steel baseball bat would do the trick.
We never really said goodbye, you cheating lying two timing sonofabitch! By the way, your mom's a hypocritical judgmental bitch who's obviously blind to her son's shenanigans. She spoilt you rotten. How proud she must be should she know you're just waiting to inherit her Cavenagh apartment when she croaks.
I know life's a big party for you right now. You can smoke as much weed as you like in Manchester. I hope you choke on it or burn your house down with the ambers of your joint. That's what your son will learn from you, how to make a bong out of a bottle, a pen and a piece of foil. You must be a great dad. Bloody crackhead.
Karma will come back and bite you in the ass. IYHY, I remember you.

So there's this girl who calls herself tokiohotelmistress and she claims that she had sex with Tom and Bill. She claims to be one of the girls in their Scream music video and got involved with Tom one time b4 moving on to Bill, whom she had sex with several times. The reason why she's revealing this, she says, is because Tom made her angry. She wants to humiliate Tom but she says she really loves Bill. To authenticate her story she discloses that Bill has four tattoos instead of the reported three. The illusive fourth tattoo is located on the upper inner thigh near his torso.

Frankly it doesn't bother me so much. Teenage boys have raging hormones so it's not so surprising if it's true. It's just odd that she'd want to hurt Tom so publicly. I mean, wouldn't that mean hurting Bill too? They are very close after all. Maybe she just wants to boast about it but needed an excuse. Either way she's not too hot with alot of TH fans right now. Me? I don't care. If it's true that means Bill's not gay, so it's the lesser of two evil.

I hate shopping for people. Simply abhor it. My bf text me at 6pm to ask me if I could buy two t-shirts for him coz he needs it for his weekend away. He's flying home tonight but leaving again tomorrow so it must be bought tonight. Not much choice but to walk to town. Would be nice if he text me earlier! He's not the easiest person to shop for. At 1.88m but lean and fussy he can be a pain sometimes. Haiz... I love him so I'll walk back to town if he text me now and say get him new boxers.

So I'm going to the States right? Now my lovely but bag crazy girlfriend is bugging me about buying her a Coach bag. She gave me a weak description of the model she wants. I mean come on! What am I? A mind reader? Another girlfriend kept asking me if I could get her a bag exactly like mine, with her initials monogrammed as well. It takes 10 working days for them to custom monogram it and technically I can get it done for her since I will be in the States for 3 weeks, but it's so lame to get her a duplicate of my bag! Besides, Coach is so not worth it. What does the tag read? Made In China! Yup yup.

My smelly brother Wan grunted a request as well. Levis jeans. Simple enough but don't you need to try jeans to see if the cutting suits you? Whatever, I'll just buy a straight cut pair in some deconstructed colour. It's to make up for not buying anything for him from Milan. Italian goods wouldn't suit a guitar rocker like him anyway. Wouldn't he just loooove a brand new guitar to add to his ever expanding collection.

I expect my shopping list will continue to expand. In the meantime I've got nothing in mind for myself.

This picture doesn't do him justice. He had to cut his hair for national service but he use to have the most outlandish hair in the most manga colours. I remember the ash peach colour he came home with one day. Had to spray it black for him for skul but of course it stained the ash colour. He had to redye it a purplish greyish ash to cover the colour stain. Scary purple hedgehog.

My brother's gonna kill me should he find out I look him up on friendster. My, he's so full of emo shite. So dark and bleak the things he wrote about life. Emo my farking arse. I wanna spank him out of his emo misery but that would mean telling him I check on him. He's a handsome boy (too many girls wanna be his 'friend') with no curfew and a credit card at his disposal so what's the bleakness about?

I wish I can tell him everything is gonna be alright. He'll find himself. He'll find his purpose. He'll meet his one true love. He'll never be alone. I wish I can protect him forever. When he was a little boy I use to tell him I love him. It's too mushy to say it now.... but that fact will never change.

This is going to be a lonely lonely week with him away. He's going to Vietnam followed by Hongkong for the yearly Rugby 7s.

The Defender looks great with its new sticker design. Just wish I can pick up the courage to finally drive it. Meeting Jenny this Friday for a spot of rollerblading. Need to go back to my family home to get those damn rollerblades. Maybe grab the flippers and snorkel too. Maybe I can go swimming in the pool with them on. How nerdy is that? Thinking of dragging Jenny over and making her sit me tru a refresher course. She's Malaysian so she learned to drive b4 she knew how to walk!

I still find myself googling and listening to and Youtubing and getting into arguments with complete strangers about Tokio Hotel. Its crazy. I listen to Kate Bush, Tori Amos, Kate Nash... and Tokio Hotel?? Viking boy makes fun of me about it all the time now. Oh well.